Right To Privacy? How much privacy should my child have?
A child screams, “This is my room – get out!” What’s a parent to do? A teenager challenges, “I can’t believe you went through my drawers!” How should a parent feel, and react?
The issue of privacy for our children is a relatively new parental dilemma. The children of the past had no privacy; they shared a room, and often a bed, with at least one sibling. Today, however, the question of a child’s privacy versus parental responsibility is the one most often asked at parenting conferences.
The key word in the sentence is “child”. When did we lose sight of the fact that the children living in our homes are just that - children? We can’t set them adrift to discern the motives of predators, or even their peers, without some parental guidance.
Yesterday’s middle school and high school students stored their belongings in lockers. At some point, it was decided those lockers should be private, and that no teacher or parental figure should be allowed to check them. Not surprisingly, children began to bring dangerous items to school; but did we restore our own right to be able to search lockers when necessary? No! School officials are simply ripping out the lockers to avoid the problems, and students carry massive backpacks to store what they need for class. We have been charged with the responsibility of safeguarding our children in a predatory world; yet, under the guise of freedom, we have placed them in a very vulnerable state.
Protection – not privacy! – must be the first priority of every parent. That means bedroom doors need to be open unless children are dressing (and should never be locked). And “no” is a perfectly acceptable answer to the request for a television in the bedroom. You would never invite a stranger to visit with your children unsupervised; why should you feel pressured to allow questionable programming into an area where you can’t readily guide viewing choices?
Children also need to use computers or laptops in a place where web content can be observed easily by Mom and Dad. And as for the most controversial sites - MySpace and Facebook - “no” works in cyberspace, too. If you feel led to say “yes”, you must accept the reality that you have also made a personal jump into the world of online social networks. Learn to navigate the sites, activate all the privacy settings, and help your child understand that you will be using their passwords to log on regularly – because you love them.
The privacy issue is really one of ownership in general. Computers, televisions – even bedrooms – don’t belong to your children. They belong to you, the parents who paid for the house and are responsible for it. Taking the initiative to defend your children when necessary – even if it means going through their rooms, closets, and computer files – is part of that responsibility. Joshua didn’t say, “This family is a democracy; we’re going to vote on the culture we adopt in this household.” He said, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)
Loving our children means accepting the responsibility to make decisions they may not understand today, but for which they will thank us in the future. It’s very similar to what our Father asks us to do. In Proverbs 3:5, He tells us we need to trust Him and not get bogged down with what we don’t understand.
Talk to your children about privacy issues. Your conversation can begin as simply as this: “I love you, and I’m accountable to God to protect you, even from things I know you think you can handle.”
Protection from privacy; our children might not like it, but our LORD and our love demand it.