The Blessing
John, our rock climbing guide, gave us a 24 hour warning. By the next evening each of the five fathers who were on the 6 day adventure hike with his son was to write and read a formal blessing for his son. You could see a look of fear and confusion in each of our faces. "I didn't see that in the outline," one father spoke up only partially kidding.
It was the fourth day of a father/son rock climbing adventure. Every father was looking to make lasting memories with his son and none of us were too skilled in the whole adventure hiking scene. The experienced guide, John, purposely forgot to give us too many details each day or he simply minimized the events ahead knowing that we would beg out with lame excuses such as "an extreme fear of heights when repelling 400 feet down a cliff!" Each evening after accomplishing something our bodies and minds told us not to do, we would sit around a camp fire sharing the experience and laughing at our fears.
After the meal on our next to last night, the guide pulled all the fathers together and gave us the dreaded assignment. Our task: to jot down in our journals a blessing that we would read to our sons on the last evening. It wasn't that we didn't want to share some words of encouragement for our sons, but each of us worried more about this simple writing task than climbing the next peak. What would we say? We weren't novelists or writers. The majority of our written communication consisted of emails and occasional business letters. The fear was already building and we still had 24 hours to complete our thoughts.
Throughout the next day, each of us managed to slip away for some quiet time to journal some thoughts. We were all looking for something inspirational that would, perhaps, impress upon our sons how much we loved them and approved of them.
There was one dad that each of us was concerned about in particular. Not that Mike had any deficiencies in his writing abilities, but his son Jason was one of those boys who made you wonder, "how could Mike write anything very positive about him." Jason was a problem from the get go. "Constant" doesn't fully define the complaining about his backpack being too heavy or his new boots being too uncomfortable. He was one of the most noncompliant kids you would ever want to join your camping trip. At night while all of us were trying to sleep from the exhaustion of the day, Jason would be up playing with the fire or the camp gear even though Mike and John pleaded with him to go to bed. Whatever Jason was asked to do, he did the opposite. By the third evening, Mike and Jason had to sleep away from the other campers so they wouldn't disturb us through the evening.
The final night arrived faster than we wanted and after dinner while sitting by the camp fire, John announced it was time to read our blessings. Under the most brilliant star lit evening we each began. The first father asked his son to stand face to face. Reading by the light of the fire he told his son how proud he was of him and encouraged him in the years to come. Everyone was wiping a little moisture from their eyes, as one by one, each father gave a formal blessing to his son. The final father was Mike. You could sense the tension as though each of us were just hoping that he could quickly say a few words and we could all move on with the evening. Over the next several minutes, Mike shared with Jason words of affirmation that every one of us would hope to hear from our father. He pointed out specific events in their lives where he was as proud of Jason as any parent could be. Mike also confirmed him as "the most special son he could ever have hoped to have."
There was total silence in the group when Mike completed reading his blessing to Jason. Everyone and everything was perfectly still. Then the most amazing scene played out. Jason leapt into the open arms of his dad! At that moment, we all got a glimpse of what it meant for a son to be truly affirmed by his father. The blessing certainly had an emotional effect on Jason, but it also had a physical effect on him. That evening Jason slept through the night for what Mike described as the first time in several years.
As fathers, we all want the best we can afford for our children. Often times we buy the latest games, technology, or clothes hoping that they'll be blessed by our gifts. Yet the one gift we can all afford is the time to formalize "the blessing". This Father's Day, take the time to write down what your son or daughter means to you and create a special time to share it. My guess is it will not only change their life, but it will change yours, too.
