Two Words Every Father Must Say
Years ago I was standing in the front yard of one the boys’ homes at Sheridan House having a heated discussion with one of the twelve year old boys in the program. He had been accused of doing something at school …something he had done many times before. This child was pleading with me to believe that he had not done what he was accused of. I told him that history had proven otherwise and that someone said they saw him at the place where the incident happened.
“No, that can’t be true!” he pleaded. “I was with Mr. Smith (the school’s Administrative Assistant) helping him with the car pool cones.”
I assured this child that there would be an even greater consequence for lying and that I intended to call Mr. Smith so we could find out the truth. Even with the threat of the phone call, I still could not get this child to tell the truth. So I made the call.
To my shock, Mr. Smith collaborated the child’s story saying, “No Bob. Eddie couldn’t possibly have done it. He wasn’t even there. He was with me out in front of the school picking up cones.”
Now came one of the hardest things for me to do. In fact, it’s even a hard word to pronounce: apologize. I needed to tell this child I was wrong. I also needed to say “I am sorry. Will you forgive me?”
Why is so hard for men and dad’s to say “I’m sorry” today? Is there something in our culture today that has lead men to believe that we have to be right all the time? We also have come to think that leaders do not say, “I was wrong.”
Perhaps our biggest challenge with this issue is that we’ve never seen the men in our own lives say they are sorry. John Wayne never apologized so our dads didn’t know they need to do it.
Asking for forgiveness is an issue of character. Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus included a verse that says “Be angry and sin not”. (Ephesians 4:26). So, when I do get angry and say things I should not, I need to ask my child to forgive me.
In our home, when someone was rude to another family member they had to write a fifty-word note of apology. More than once I was the one writing a note to Torrey because I lost control of my mouth.
Saying, I was wrong is also a matter of setting the right example for my children. It is up to us as parents to role-model Scripture. If I say that I’m never wrong or I never sin the Bible actually says I’m a liar (1 John 1:10). Father’s who desire to model godly leadership need to admit their mistakes.
There is an even deeper reason that father’s must be willing to ask for forgiveness. This act alone demonstrates to a child the need each of us has for asking for forgiveness from God. When a dad is wrong and admits it out loud, it demonstrates for a child that no one is perfect. This is the beginning of encouraging a child to be able to ask God for forgiveness.
Asking for forgiveness is such a foreign thought to this culture. For several decades our culture and legal system has taught us to justify our actions rather than admit wrong doing. People no longer say the words, “Guilty as charged.”
For the sake of a child’s future marriage …future relationship with God …future maturity, they need to be taught the value of admitting their mistakes, and the proper way to correct the relationship. That starts with the words, “I’m sorry.”
When I took that child at Sheridan House for a walk and told him I was wrong and asked for his forgiveness, his reaction was amazing. For a few seconds he just stared at me. Then when he told me that he would forgive me he fell into my arms and began sobbing. I realized he had never heard the words “I’m sorry” spoken directly to him before. He had never been made to feel that he was even worthy of an apology.
Perhaps it is dad that needs to give a gift this Father’s Day. A great gift would be the commitment to use the words “I’m sorry” from now on. Later on, this gift will dramatically help the children with future relationships—their relationship with God and with God’s people.