Home For The Holidays
Loving Our Weird Family Members
I remember hearing Rosemary say, “Bob, I just need for you to behave!”
It was our first Thanksgiving and we actually had a home for Rosemary’s family to come and visit. My expectations of what this great family occasion would be like were huge. I was pretty excited.
However, it didn’t go exactly as I had planned. Her family arrived and needed my help unloading the cars. Before I knew it, I realized that I was the only one “unloading.” They were busy greeting each other and touring our new home. I wanted to be there for that; but my Type A temperament wouldn’t permit me to stop the task at hand. Plus, I knew unloading the cars would get me points with my in-laws.
“Oh, Bob! I’m sorry we left you alone to do the unloading! You’re such a servant leader. Thank you!” At least that’s what I wanted to hear. Instead I got, “Oh, please be careful with that it’s our family’s antique turkey platter.” I think I even heard an emphasis on the words “our family’s…”
In her excitement of seeing her family, even Rosemary missed the awesome job of serving I had done; but I got over it! After all, it was Thanksgiving and I was thankful for family…even if it seemed awkward.
That Wednesday night we watched all their special family movies. I strategically sat on the floor at Rosemary’s feet, giving her family space on the couch and chairs. When I got up to get myself some tea I asked, “Does anyone want anything while I’m up?” I asked in a low voice hoping no one would hear me, but her father heard and announced to the multitudes. I poured them tea and to my horror, there wasn’t enough left for me. Worse, no one noticed!
That’s when I went for a walk. When I came back, Rosemary asked me if I was okay … that I appeared a little abrupt and moody. She wanted to know if there was something I wanted to talk about with her.
“No,” I responded, thinking I shouldn’t have to explain how “we” were not being appreciated for the work “we” were doing to make this a special holiday. She should be able to see that. She should have noticed that there wasn’t any ice tea left. Instead, I took the mature, high road and said, “I’m okay. I just needed to clear my head.”
But things just got worse. The more I felt taken advantage of the more moody I became until I found myself acting like a child. Actually, I didn’t find myself, Rosemary did.
“Bob, I know my family is sometimes difficult; all families are. What I need now is help from you as we serve them. I need for you to behave!”
Wow! I felt immature. I realized that I didn’t understand holidays and family gatherings. Apparently, I was going about it all wrong. You see, I wanted to be appreciated. It looked like I was serving, but I was really only doing things to get feedback – to make people realize what a great person I was. When I didn’t get what I expected, I gave back the worst of me.
Holidays and family gatherings are awkward. Kids come home from college not feeling like they belong anymore. Relatives come to visit and stay in a house that isn’t theirs. All of us bring our decades of old family dysfunctions. What do we expect? Same faces with different personalities?
This holiday season, decide to expect only one thing. Decide you will serve the weird people in your family. The weirder they are, the more you will serve. Here’s the deal though: don’t serve them, serve Christ.
If I was sitting comfortably and Christ asked me for tea, I’d jump up and get it. “Here it is Lord; all of it!”
Imagine Him saying, “Thank you my son. Now take the tea you brought me and give it to your father-in-law. Matthew 25:45 goes something like when you do this for the weirdest of these you are doing it for me. (I did say “something like”).
When you serve people for the Lord’s pleasure, you will be transforming your holiday into its original title, Holy Day. Make this Thanksgiving a holy day by serving the people God permits around you; even those difficult family members. Remember, you might be the difficult family member to some of them. It all boils down to your heart. Remind yourself Who you are really serving.
