“I do not trust my daughter!” Those were the words that resonated from Cassie’s mother during their initial interview for the Sheridan House residential program. As a young child, Cassie was “a good girl” according to her mother; then, things began to change. Cassie stopped doing her school assignments. She withdrew from her family. She initiated fights at school. When she started sneaking away from home at night, her mother decided that enough was enough. (more…)
Our Sheridan House Journey by Cynthia Seely
One of the saddest things I relinquished as a single mom was being able to be available every second of every day for my children. I wanted to be that stay-at-home mom who greeted her children with healthy snacks and had energy to help with homework and special projects…the mother who was the neighborhood block parent! I felt robbed of being a “real mom” when I had to work several jobs. (more…)
Does it seem like there’s more teen violence today than there used to be? Every week there is a new story in the headlines that elicits the same response, “We didn’t expect that to happen here,” or “We never thought that child would do that.” Should we really be surprised? There is more teen anger; and it’s understandable.
Under the disguise of teen privacy and personal rights, we have left today’s teen without the one thing they should have the right to have – protection. Today’s teen is desperately in need of protection from the myriad of unhealthy influences in their lives.
Picture the world of today’s teen. The one thing today’s teens desperately have the right to trust… to count on… is the stability of their family. However, half of them only have one parent in the home. Their “truster” is broken because their family life is broken.
Picture their environments. School is supposed to be a safe place; a place created by the community for teens to go and learn. Instead, school has become such an unsafe environment that most adults would not choose to work there in fear of being injured. They have metal detectors welcoming students and police or security guards greeting them in the hallways. The take away for students is that adults don’t really care or, at least, care enough to make the school environment as safe as their work environments.
Another environment where they need protection is cyber-world. Today’s teen is given the right to communicate with anyone at anytime via a multitude of cyber-devices and often times without any parental supervision. If I wouldn’t let a stranger come into my house and sit in my teen’s bedroom, then why would I let a stranger do it via the cyber-world?
No wonder teens are so angry. No wonder they are acting out the violent moves they have played and practiced on the video and internet games. Many teens are angry, but there is an easy answer for parents – a response. The response is something everyone can do; it’s called relationship.
The changeable part of the equation regarding teen anger is the schedule of the parent. Teens need to know that their parents aren’t too busy or absent altogether. Whether it is a one-parent household or two-parent household, the teen needs a relationship with a parent who will not require them to perform for attention.
Here’s the trick. Teens will often act like they don’t want a relationship with their parents. Yet deep down inside, most of them want a relationship with a parent or adult who can show them the ropes and who they can trust with their greatest fears. One of the obvious reasons the teens make great life changes here at Sheridan House is because they are introduced to adults who care. Yes, there’s still discipline and accountability, but the adults still care and they express their caring attitude.
Today’s parent can combat teen violence by deciding right now that it’s time for a relationship. If your teen is older, expect resistance. Regardless, set the appointments for spending “uninterrupted by anyone’s mobile phone” time together. Then, choose to listen!
The violence is screaming at teens prompting them to question, “Whose am I anyway!?” Parents need to be saying, “You are mine. I love you. I value you… and I’m re-arranging my schedule so we can spend time together!”
Each teen desires and needs to belong to something. Left alone, it could be a gang or a boy/girlfriend relationship. If parents decide to be intentional, it should be a family, a church youth group, and ultimately, Jesus Christ.
Doesn’t it seem that it’s practically impossible to turn on the news, read a paper, or surf the internet without seeing headlines that blare, “We’ve Got Trouble.” I remember vividly the 1960′s American television series Lost in Space when the Robot, acting as a surrogate guardian, would wave it’s arms and say to the young actor, “WARNING! WARNING! DANGER WILL ROBINSON.” whenever it sensed a problem. Some days, it feels like the Robot is following us every waking moment to remind us of all the problems we face in our lives.
I’m sure each of us handles this bombardment of negative news in different ways. I have a very good friend who gives the impression that he is looking for a concrete bunker to hide in. You can hear the frustration and panic in his voice when we have everyday conversations.
For me, I typically try to take control – particularly when it comes to economic and financial matters. It’s as though I tell God, “Please stand by. I’ll call you if I’m really in a crisis, but I’ll manage this situation.” However, when I examine my motive behind wanting control the situation, it really speaks to the fear I have that things won’t turn out how I want.
Paul writes in the book of Romans, “…Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”
Whenever we fret over life circumstances, aren’t we immediately demonstrating our unbelief in a God who spoke the heavens into existence and who also numbers the hairs on our heads? For years, I would read the story of Peter denying Christ to the servant girl and wonder how Peter could reject him so quickly and publicly. However, when we live our life out of fear or anxiety, don’t we call into doubt the very nature of God? Just as Peter did; don’t we publicly deny Him by our lack of trust?
Each day our actions affirm or convict our belief systems. It reveals who the central focus of our lives really is – us or God. It reveals who we place our ultimate trust in – ourselves or God.
As the New Year dawns upon us, it’s often customary to make a New Year’s resolution. Usually they’re resolutions about losing weight, exercising more, quitting smoking, or other sundry changes. We usually desire to make improvement that help make us a better person.
How about making a resolution to be a stronger believer? In the book of Mark the father of a young boy asked Jesus “…’But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.’ ‘If you can?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for him who believes.’ Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, ‘I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!’”
Rather than, or in addition to the typical News Year’s resolution, why don’t we also ask Jesus to “help us in our unbelief?” While the world wants us to worry and fret, we must remember that we serve a sovereign God who is in control!
“Sexting? What is that?“ That was one mother’s first reaction when she heard a recent news story about some middle school kids charged with the “crime.” Sadly it was her 12-year-old daughter who said, “Mom, a girl in my school was caught doing that. Half the kids in the school have the picture on their phone or have seen it.”
Much like a cell phone text, “Sexting” is the act of sending nude or partially nude photos via a cell phone. Once a photo text is sent, the recipient can share it with others or post it on the internet for the world to see. With cell phones containing built in cameras, there’s been a significant increase in this activity among teens. A recent survey conducted by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy shows that 20% of teens admit they’ve sent or posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves just for fun.
In addition to the psychological impact to kids who have been caught or seen their pictures escape beyond their intended audience, there can be additional consequences. Recently, several teenagers across the country have been charged with possessing or disseminating child pornography, a felony that carries a jail sentence and a lifetime listing on sex-offender registries. Due to the gravity of this behavior and its potential impact on your child’s life, you should educate yourself and put in place a plan to address with your kids. Denying that this type of vulgarity is happening, or that your child will make the right decision when faced with the opportunity just because you’ve raised them right, may not be enough.
So, what can parents do to protect their children from this new fad?
First, look for opportunities to bring up the topic of sexting with your child. Media coverage makes it easier to broach the subject. Use a news story as a catalyst to engage your kids in discussion. For instance, last year, Jessica Logan, an Ohio teen, committed suicide after her nude photo, intended for her boyfriend, was sent to teenagers at several high schools. Her father revealed that she was the subject of teasing and ridicule and was overwhelmed with embarrassment. “Everyone knew about that photo. She could not live it down” he said.
Let them know that once something is shared on a cell phone or posted on the Internet, they can’t change their mind and get it back. It can haunt them for life and can be seen by anyone in the future, even potential employers or college recruiters. Education and communication are fundamental.
Second, understand a little more about the technology they are using. If your child has a camera phone, they are at a greater risk for creating and sending inappropriate photos. You know your child well enough to answer the question, “Does my child really need a phone with a camera?”
Third, parents should set clear boundaries about cell phone use and establish an agreement with a child that, if suspicion arises, his or her phone can be randomly checked for indecent texting or sexting. Encourage your children that if they receive a sext, they should tell you immediately.
Finally, use these discussions with your children to reassure them of their value. Dads, tell your daughters often how beautiful they are on the inside and out. Although boys are participating in this behavior, girls are especially at high-risk for exposing their bodies to gain acceptance from boys. Moms, teach your sons ways in which they can demonstrate respect for women. Reinforce God-exalting principles of sexuality, healthy self-esteem, and respect for self and others. Remember, God will bless your efforts to instruct and protect your children as you continue to raise them in the knowledge of all that is good, pure, and honorable. (Proverbs 22:6)
If you are concerned that your child is continuing to be involved in or exposed to this behavior, it is recommended that you seek confidential help. The counselors at Sheridan House are trained to evaluate individuals and develop a plan specifically designed with your child’s best interest at heart. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact Sheridan House Counseling Center at (954) 880-9038.
Knowing that sexting exists and how to check for it is extremely important. But each parent will want to do more to protect their teens. Is there such a thing as sexting prevention?
The quick answer is “No.” Unless each of us moves to a mountain and turns off all technology, there is no way to be totally sure that our teens won’t be scarred by the plague of sexting. However, there are some important steps that each parent can take as Victoria Womack referred to in her excellent article Sexting: What Every Parent Should Know.
At the root of sexting is the need for attention. In this incredibly fast-paced, performance-oriented society, teens are desperate for attention. Some find attention by performing well in the prescribed teen arenas such as sports, academics or music. Others search for attention any place they can find it.
For a girl in need of feeling significant to someone … anyone, sexting offers an alternative venue. The teenage daughter who has an older sister that excels at everything is very vulnerable. She’d like to just win anything. Sexting makes her a momentary star, as perverse as that is.
For a boy, acquiring a photo of a girl and then forwarding it on to his friends proves his conquest. There’s little thought to the fact that he has just taken part in the handling of child pornography.
Once again we have an alarm going off for busy parents. If the underlying issue luring a teen into sexting is to receive attention and a sense of worth, as a parent you should ask yourself, “What does my teenager need to do to get my undivided attention?”
This is a time for parents to decide to jump into the life of their teen. Awkward as that was at first for me with my daughter, time together became a very valuable appointment in my life. Weekly breakfasts, monthly dinners out alone – just the two of us, and time spent driving together in the car provided the format. However, I had to provide the atmosphere. I had to value her opinion and let her talk. I had to talk less and listen more. I had to work to find those moments when I could say, “That’s awesome!” or “Yes, let’s do that!” or “I agree with you.” or better yet, “I never thought of that.” Then once we arrived home I repeated her ideas to her mom revealing that I had listened to her and learned something from her.
Parents, especially dads, need to find ways to fill up the teen’s value tank. In a manner of speaking, the sexting child is suffering from “attention deficit.” It’s a deficit that can and needs to be corrected.
God is sovereign which means that He is totally in charge, our job is to trust God with all we do, He does all the rest.
The mysteries of God are and should be beyond the mental abilities of His creation or He wouldn’t be God. It’s not that I must understand all the ways of God, but that I must trust all the ways of God.
© Copyright 2012 Sheridan House. All Rights Reserved
1700 South Flamingo Road, Davie, FL 33325
Phone: 954-583-1552
Fax: 954-635-6301
